


Kid Cuisine

by hellborn



Category: My Chemical Romance
Genre: Crack, Established Relationship, Grocery Store, Kinda, M/M, Mikey is a little shit, Mikey is done, They are married, crackfic, domestic uwu, frank is a motherfucker, frank likes dick, frank wants his mofuckin kid cuisine, gerard is done with their bs, idk why i wrote this, implied sex, mikey has a health nut phase, ok mikey???
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-30
Updated: 2019-12-30
Packaged: 2021-02-27 12:49:22
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,257
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22037329
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hellborn/pseuds/hellborn
Summary: in which frank wants kid cuisine, mikey is a bitch, and gerard just wants them to stop fighting.
Relationships: Frank Iero/Gerard Way
Comments: 6
Kudos: 58





	Kid Cuisine

**Author's Note:**

> this is crack that i wrote like a couple months?? ago?? not sure 
> 
> i promise i have drafts that are actually long wips, but school has been a bitch and somehow i got roped into some dumbfuck love triangle turned sideways screwed to hell at work... so uh pray for me ig idfk 
> 
> anyway, love you uwu

“I want a Kid Cuisine,” Frank says, hanging off the end of the shopping cart. 

“One of those junky freezer meals for kids?” Mikey peers out from behind his bangs, scrunching his brows as he continues to push the cart though the organics aisle.

“Hell yeah! And they’re not junky! They’re delicious and you’re going to buy me one!” He pouts and bounces, making the lightly loaded cart wobble precariously. “Just because you’re in some health nut phase doesn’t mean I have to be.” 

Mikey stops moving and the cart with him, causing Frank to lurch backward slightly. “First of all, you’re fucking vegetarian, and you’re giving me that shit? Uh uh. And if you think for a second I’m gonna waste money on that garbage, you’re fucking insane.” 

Frank squints at him for a second and then suddenly throws an apple at Mikey from the cart and leaps off the end, sprinting away and giggling maniacally. 

“You motherfu—“ Mikey says abortively and then races after him. 

Mikey tracks the fucker down in the frozen food aisle, hiding obviously behind the Oreo display in the center. Mikey contemplates the repercussions of slamming the cart into the display and burying Frank alive momentarily before deciding it wasn’t worth it. 

As he got closer, Mikey could tell that Frank was talking to someone on the phone, most likely since no one else was around. Or Frank was finally going insane. Yes, that was it. 

“...yeah, baby, he won’t buy me Kid Cuisine!” Frank is complaining, and Mikey groans loudly, hearing the tone of voice Frank specially reserves just for Gerard when he wants him on his side. (Which of course he doesn’t even need to use because Gerard would probably cut out his own heart if Frank asked him to). 

Hearing the groan, Frank turns to face Mikey and grins, flipping him off. Leaving the cart behind, Mikey strides over and snatches the phone from Frank’s tattooed fingers just in time to hear his brother say, “...how about I just blow you instead?” 

“Jesus fucking Christ, Gerard!” Mikey exclaims and Frank breaks down on the floor, cackling, as if he knew exactly what his husband had said. He probably did. The fucker. 

“Oh, hi Mikey! Why won’t you buy Frankie Kid Cuisine?”

“Because it’s fucking nasty and for children and he doesn’t need it.” Mikey aims a kick at Frank, which he barely dodges, slamming into the glass door in front of the display of frozen waffles. “Also he’s a big annoying fucker.” 

Mikey can practically hear Gerard frowning through the phone. “He’ll just be worse if you don’t get it for him. You know that. Hey! What was that noise?” 

Mikey ignores his brother’s question in favor of throwing himself out of the way of the entire fucking Oreos display toppling over right toward him. Multiple packages hit the floor explode, spilling cookies all over the floor with a crash.

“Frank!” Mikey hollars, jamming the phone spewing Gerard’s tinny rambling voice into his pocket before hauling Frank forcefully to his feet and pushing him toward the cart and out of the aisle. 

Eager to leave before getting caught, Mikey grabs the cart and high tails it out of there, leaving Frank to eat his dust. He feels the phone being wormed out of his pocket and then Frank reassuring Gerard that yes, they are still alive and that the cookies had fallen over because Frank had totally not pushed the thing over at Mikey. Totally. 

Even at a couple feet in front of Frank, Mikey could hear Gerard scolding Frank. He snickered and moved a little quicker. 

By the time they’d reached the registers, Frank was no longer on the phone and no one had come racing after them for destroying products. So far, so good. Mikey wondered if this was considered a felony. Oh well, it couldn’t be worse than shoplifting eyeliner and Twinkie’s with Pete. 

The cashier is perky and makes conversation with Frank over his scorpion tattoo, which he eagerly talks about and even pulls up his shirt to show her his birds. 

By the time they’re in the car heading back to the house, Frank is as cheerful as ever, seemingly much more resolved over the frozen meal. 

-

“Yeah well you fucking owe me money!” Mikey jams his finger into Frank’s chest. 

Gerard sighs and tilts his head, “I’ll give you money.”

“No!” Mikey shakes his head angrily. “I want it from him.”

“Mikey—“

“He lifted up his shirt for the girl!” Mikey blurts.

Gerard blanches, “What?” 

Frank quickly breaks in, “I was showing her my birds! She saw my scorpion and wanted to know if I had other animals!” 

“Frankie, a scorpion’s not technically an animal—“

“He wanted her!” Mikey blabs on, feeling like a smug, lying asshole child. 

“Mikey, I’m fucking gay! I like dick! I love sucking your brother, my  _ husband’s  _ huge fucking dick! And you know what I like even more than that? Taking it up my a—“

“LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA!” Mikey hollars, snapping his hands over his ears. 

Frank clambors over the couch to scream right up against Mikey’s ear. “I LOVE TAKING YOUR BROTHER’S GIGANTIC COCK UP MY ASS!” 

Mikey shoves Frank off the couch and gets ready to throw down. 

“OKAY!” Gerard yells, shocking both Frank and Mikey into silence. 

“Mikey, let Frank and I handle our relationship and don’t go trying to mess it up because Frank pisses you off. Frank, stop telling my brother about our sex life as a weapon. You guys are stupid, fighting over a fucking freezer meal, god.” He leaves the room. 

Frank and Mikey stare each other down, eyes narrowed to slits, waiting for someone to make the first move. 

“I’m not apologising, you swindled me,” Mikey says. 

“Did not,” Frank retorts. 

“Yes you fucking did! And how in god’s name did you even get them without me seeing them?” 

“I shoved them up my shirt,” Frank tilts his chin, sounding smug. 

“You shoved them up--okay, alright. Well, answer me this: why did you get the chicken nugget one?” 

“It’s not real meat.”

Mikey stares, opens his mouth, then decides against it and closes it. He gets up off the couch and walks to the kitchen counter where Frank had thrown his wallet and keys. Making eye-contact with the fucker, Mikey opens his wallet and pulls out a 10 dollar bill and jams it into his pocket. 

“Fuck you,” Mikey says, then leaves. 

-

“I didn’t want her.” 

Gerard starts, looking up to see Frank hovering in the doorway, twisting his hands. “Huh?”

“The girls at the supermarket. I didn’t want her like Mikey said.” 

“Oh,” Gerard says. “I didn’t think you did Frankie, I trust you.” 

“I just—I wanted to make sure you knew.” 

“I know.” 

Frank grins an uncertain grin and moves a little further into the room. “What are you doing?” 

“Drawing,” Gerard answers, setting his pen down as Frank lowers himself onto his lap. 

“Not anymore you’re not,” Frank’s grin goes devilish and he tangles his fingers into the back of Gerard’s hair. Gerard’s hands travel beneath the warm cotton of Frank’s shirt, rubbing his thumbs against the birds on Frank’s hip bones. 

“Not anymore,” Gerard agrees.

-

After they’re both spent and sated, Frank curled into Gerard’s chest, his eyes closed and his breathing even, Gerard found Frank’s hand and twisted the silver ring wrapped around his fourth finger, letting out a tiny sigh of contentment into Frank’s sweet-smelling hair. 


End file.
